• Toyosi Osinowo

I am in an OPEN marriage


A person standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back-to-back and conquer. Three are even better, for a triple-braided cord is not easily broken.

~Ecclesiastes 4:12

A couple of people have asked me if my marriage is perfect and my response always remains the same: NO. It is not. BUT, it is beautiful. Just like any couple, we have good days and of course challenging ones as well. How, then do we happily stay together? Well, my friend, that is because we have a formula that works for us- we share our bed with someone else. Yes, there is a third party in our open marriage and that is what keeps our marriage "spicy".

Wait a minute!!! Did she just say she is in an open marriage? That is some Hollywood stuff right there!!! Whoa!!! Before your mind begins to run in the direction I think it is, let me clarify. LOL. The third party I am referring to is GOD. He is the third person in our marriage.

I remember the day we said 'I do' like it was yesterday. I was the happiest I had ever been. The beautiful chapter I had always dreamed of as a little girl had begun and I was so sure it was going to be perfect. There was no doubt in my mind that the man I was saying "I do" to loved me. I never doubted if we were going to be together forever. I knew I was where I belonged. The scripture written above was one of the scriptures recited on our wedding day. One thing that we KNEW for sure was that GOD had to be the center of our marriage. We understood the importance of it and intended to always involve Him all the way. If you notice, I said we INTENDED, not that we actually did.

Just like most, if not every marriage, our first year was very trying. There were days where things just seemed hopeless and impossible. Even though we both knew that we loved one another, we just couldn't get on the same rhythm. What did we do to fix our problems? Unfortunately, we subconsciously took matters into our own hands and left God out. We began to apply our own human wisdom and let our feelings and emotions lead us rather than the Spirit of God in us. We SHUT out the most important person that should have been included in our union.

We struggled because we were trying to love one another our own way. Of course, we came up short and that only led to more frustration. We look back now and laugh at how ridiculous we were. We, however, never stopped loving each other and our commitment never wavered. We were often just too proud to lean on God for guidance and correction. We only turned to God after the fact. I, specifically reacted first, before processing what was occurring. After arguments, I would then go on my knees and begin to 'report' my husband to God as though I was just perfect and had no faults. I am laughing hysterically as I type these words because I was so naive and stuck in my ways. This is not to suggest that my husband didn't have flaws either because he did, but in spite of what both of our flaws may have been, we did not allow God to lead us when faced with obstacles in our marriage.

I am thankful to God for the people He placed in our lives to help us through. I believe it is very critical for you to have someone that can hold you accountable in ANYTHING you do (marriage included) and for us, that was our spiritual father. He was able to open our eyes to see how selfish and self-absorbed we were. It was hard to accept the things he said, but at the end of the day, he was right. He would ALWAYS reference back to GOD'S WORD so there was no way around us not accepting the TRUTH. I will be honest and tell you that the change did not come overnight. We both had to pray together and individually submit ourselves to God for correction and realignment. We both had to come to the end of ourselves and glory to God, we are still standing.

THE TOP 3 THINGS THAT I'VE LEARNT SO FAR...

  1. It is not all about you. To genuinely love someone means always putting their feelings and needs into consideration, even though it may cost you something. It is of no benefit if you feel valid but the person that is supposed to be ONE with you, is hurting. It is impossible for you to be happy while your spouse is clearly not.

  2. Pride and Ego can't exist in your home. You can never allow your emotions to dominate your thinking. You can not let your ego win because in the end, you will lose. Saying sorry is no longer as difficult as it used to be. Even when I feel like I may have a valid point, I have learnt to step out of my feelings and try to see things from my husband's perspective. If I still don't get it, I still have to be willing to see the bigger picture and bite the bullet and my husband does the same for me as well.

  3. God MUST always be involved in EVERYTHING. This pill might be hard to swallow, but it is a fact. You can not filter the parts of your marriage that you want to involve God in. If you recall, I stated in the beginning of this post that there is a third person in our BED! God is involved in every intimate and intricate part of our marriage and that is why we now find it easier to yield to Him when He checks either one of us. It is not always pretty or easy when He does, but it definitely sets things in order and saves us a GREAT deal of unnecessary drama and hurt.

I am sharing this part of my life with you, because I hope that it helps someone that may be in that stage in their marriage. We live in a world were people tend to want to fake it 'til they make it, so we fall victim to comparison and envy not knowing the true story behind closed doors. Life is not perfect but it can be beautiful with CHRIST in the midst of it. I love my husband beyond words can describe and I know that he loves me just the same. I also know that it is the love of GOD that we have now wholly embraced, that is keeping us together. Through every chapter and phase, we are keeping Him in the mix and that is what fuels the fire of love that we share for one another. That same fire can still be ignited in your home. All you have to do is allow LOVE personified in the image of God to dwell as the third person in your marriage. I hate to break it to you, but you can't do it alone. No matter how much you love one another, HE is the one that can keep you afloat. So you have to be OPEN to His leading and correction every step of the way.

I would love to get your feedback and comments, so feel to share your thoughts with me.

God's Love Always,

Toyosi.

#marriage #openmarriage #secrets #love #God #threestringcord #wedding #Godinmarriage #truth #pride #ego #itsnotallaboutyou #thegoodandthebad #emotions #strife #forgivenesss

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