Is God Concerned about me?
"Hi God! Are you there? Can you hear me? And if you can, why can't I hear, see, or even feel you?"
If you have ever uttered the words written above, you are not alone. I have had the same experience a few times and very recently, I almost found myself asking those questions again.
Don't be shocked that I just admitted that. Toyosi is flesh and blood just like you. We may not be in the same shoes, but we are all walking in the same journey called life. Life, often times can be so overwhelming to the point of frustration and doubt. However, it does not change the REALITY of the nature of God.
In the past couple of months, I have had a couple of setbacks in both my career and business plans. These setbacks took a toll on my morale. As much as I am a woman of faith, I still had questions. These plans were not done outside of God. I prayed, fasted, and waited before making my decisions, yet they didn't come through as I anticipated. One of the major disappointments I had to deal with was not getting into the Medical Dosimetry program I applied into. It was a hard pill to swallow. Preparing for this process literally forced me out of my comfort zone and pruned me!!! I had to go back to school to take more courses on weekends and nights, study harder than I had ever done in my life, humble myself before a professor that was very biased, among other things. I received my bachelor's 8 years ago so you can imagine how hard it must have been for me to do this. It was tough but I had my eye on the price. I was so certain that I was going to begin the program this month. Unfortunately, that did not happen and I had some questions for God. Quite frankly, I still don't have the answers I am seeking. However, through the past couple of months, I have come to a place of understanding that though I can bring my questions before Him, I dare not QUESTION HIM OR HIS LOVE FOR ME.
Upon realizing this, I decided to shift my focus. Though, that 'major' door closed, He opened many other doors that I used to see as minor opportunities. I have had the privilege to speak before and pour into the lives of others, He has given me divine relationships with mentors and friends (I have always prayed for this), I have gone back to singing in the choir, I'm writing songs and blogging again, among many other things. Things that I thought I didn't have in me anymore, I have rediscovered in myself all due to the disappointments that I faced earlier this year. I had lost sight of these things that God was trying to use to remind me that He was with me and working in and through me. God never stopped loving me neither did He stop listening to me. I just didn't hear, see or feel Him in the things that I thought I would.
You may feel like God is distant or maybe feel abandoned by HIM but that is not the case. Just because you FEEL a certain way doesn't make it REAL. What is real is the FACT that God cares for you and His plan for you is to give you an expected end. I had to learn (and I'm still learning, if I'm being honest) to give this TRUTH more power in my life than the LIES that my circumstances make me feel. My feelings do not validate the nature and essence of God. His essence is what validates who I am.
He is ALWAYS listening. He will ALWAYS care. He will ALWAYS be with you. He is the only CONSISTENT one that will never leave you in all seasons. If you are not feeling HIS presence, I want to encourage you to simply trust and be still. He will show Himself to you when you need HIM to. The key word is NEED, not want. You may want Him to speak to you in a particular way or time but He will do so when He knows you NEED IT. Be still. No matter what, just know that He is concerned about you and He is working it out for you.