• Toyosi Osinowo

HIS Joy, my Strength


"Because I'm happpyyyyyyy!!!!!!

This was me in 2013. I had just gotten married, I had a great job that paid me pretty well, and things were looking up. After having one of the roughest years of my life the previous year, my "happy ending" was coming to fruition.  I was filled with so much "JOY"! AWESOME SAUCE!!!!...right? WRONG!  I wish somebody would have brought me back to reality and told me what I know now. My happy feelings were not joyful. They were simply happy. Uhn? Don't both words mean the same thing? No ma'am or sir. They aren't one and the same.

Once upon a time, the word joy, was synonymous to happiness in my vocabulary. I was certain that it was dependent on how I felt from the milestones I achieved or pleasant occurrences I experienced. I was sure that it had to do with laughter, giggles, and fun.  My mind had been filled with the fictional ideals that I saw in the movies and on TV growing up as a kid.

It took me a very long time to accept that life will not always be filled with happy memories. As I got older, I began to face the reality that life will not always be peachy but I was still determined to find happiness. I was on this quest because I believed that my "happy ending" will fill the void that I had carried for many years. I was certain that a great career, a wonderful husband, kids, the cars, etc will suffice. Dang! My mind was truly messed up. So messed up that whenever I faced disappointments, trials, or bad days, I didn't know how to cope. I crumbled. I was always an emotional mess. 

The reason for this was because what I was really searching for was Joy and I didn't realize it.  Better yet, I thought that both words were one and the same so I was searching for joy in the wrong places. All the things that I thought would give me "joy" were temporary and would not last forever. 

In March 2015, I got laid off from my job at an oil and gas company due to the big hit in the industry. To make things even crazier, I was 6 months preggo! Yes, my husband had a job but all the plans we had made were based on both of our salaries. "What are we gonna do now? Lord Jesus, be a provider."  To be honest, I wasn't as devastated as I thought I would be because the Holy Spirit already told me my time was up at my place of work a year before (story for another day). However, I was still worried. I was still sad and I panicked. Tim, on the other hand, was in chill mode as usual (I don't get that guy sometimes. He has faith for dayyyys. LOL). Being married to him definitely made the process much easier. I eventually came to a place of acceptance and decided to be thankful for the precious gift that was going to be coming my way in a few months time. I decided to be grateful and spend my free time knowing more about the Lord. Before I knew it, I had a JOY that I could not explain. It became so overwhelming that everyone noticed. They probably thought that I was glowing because I was pregnant but it was more than that. Yes, I was happy that I was about to be a mom but my joy did not come from that. It came from resting in HIS LOVE for me. 

"This Joy that I have...

...the world didn't give it to me. 

It can't take it away."

~Shirley Caesar

This joy STRENGTHENED me. It embraced me. It enveloped me. For a very long time, most folks did not even know that I was without a job. This wasn't because I was faking it or being phony, but simply because I was filled with His Joy. Even I can't explain it. I had every reason to be sad and sorrowful but His joy in me would not let me. It was then that I finally realized that what I had longed for all this while, was His eternal Joy that surpasses my circumstance or the trials that may come my way. Happy moments are great but they are temporary. To depend on them would be like depending on a nonrefillable oxygen tank for air. The tank eventually runs out. Ask God to give you His unspeakable joy today. It is possible for you to have it too. 

Blessings.


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